Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. - Rumi

Monday, May 8, 2017

**On the topic of men

On the topic of men

I speak from a place of being heterosexual.  My preference is men.  It always has been.  And I am thinking of the ones who have chosen me/I chose them to be in relationship with.
Why me?  What is it about me that they were attracted to?  After the physical-cality,
they like my sweetness, my easy disposition….they like the healing quality of my energy, they like the easiness of my personality.

I tend towards men who are smart and geeky.  I like men who make me laugh.   I have tended towards “bad boy” types, men who are strong alpha types. 

I think that men need women more than women need men.  That is a big statement.
Just my personal opinion of observing my ex-husband and other men I know.  Men have more of a need to be taken care of.  And yet there are those guys that have never been married who are straight.  What about them?  Are they damaged from stuff in childhood? Or haven’t met the right woman?

What is it that we need from each other?  Why were we put on the planet?
Well that is to procreate and keep the species going for one.  And many years ago our gender roles were very specific.
They aren’t so much anymore.  We have learned that gender is not a strong variable in intelligence, creativity and all the other factors of being human.
I do think that there is so much hype about what a man is, does and how he behaves that it is overwhelming for them. 
And then I go back to the thought of they were once all little boys.  Who were hopefully loved and guided to be strong, wonderful men.  Not so with my ex.  While he was given many material things, he was not given direction emotionally on how to be a better person, let along a man.  As it is, his sons don’t consider him in their top five.   Or return his calls or seek him out.  So the kind of man he is, is not the kind of man they will be. 
I feel sad for him that he doesn’t realize how he has lost the opportunity to be a part of their lives in a strong positive way.  He was too busy fighting his own shit to realize there was an opportunity for him to rise up and just be there for them.  Putting his own shit aside.  So I see the man he is now.  Hw has to have a woman by his side, but doesn’t know how to treat her…so the women leave after so many years.  It doesn’t matter how much I pray for him to learn, he is stuck on his wheel and the growth hasn’t happened, yet.   However, he did write me a note saying that he was sorry for the way he had treated me and saw that our sons were good humans because of me.
That was huge, this many years later.  Something to be said for that.  I liked him.  I thought to grow and love him and build a life together.  Both people have to want that goal.
So on the topic of men.  What is our karmic relationship with the one we chose?
At some point if there is a lesson we learn it, move on and have a life filled with purpose and joy.  But then, also sometimes we/I get stuck on the energy of a specific man.  There is something about him that just sticks with and to me.  I don’t want anyone else…for a long time.  The energy and connection are deep.  I carry them inside me…through other situations.  That happened to me from a guy in college.  I know we had a connection. And we kept weaving in and out of each others life for many, many years, until finally we had nothing to move forward with.  By then I had children, and for some reason, I didn’t want him in their life.  Although before that I would of tried to integrate us into a family.  There was a moment in time where that could of happened.  I had so much love for him or so I thought.
Wouldn’t it be great if we had a magic ball and could look and see who was going to cross our path and be the “IT” man.  And know that we would be in for a rollercoaster ride in life with this man in either a exhilarating happy way or a shit storm way.


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