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| watercolor on watercolor paper manipulated in Photoshop 8/2014 | | | |
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This has been the most amazing time of my life:
This journey that I have been on has recently had the high
of highs:
My youngest son graduated from college.
We made it to this part of the continuum.
I cannot begin to describe all of the emotions that I have
felt.
I set out on a journey with a new baby and a five year old
step-child, no idea where the journey is going to take us, what experiences I
was going to have along the way and end up with 2 young adults; two beautiful
young men in heart and body.
I started menopause the year the young one graduated from
high school. Talk about being on a
roller coaster ride!! I could not of timed that transition like that.
Going through the peri menopausal years? I felt strong, whole, happy, powerful. I worked out, I worked at work that I felt
was meaningful and loved. I loved my
life and woke up everyday to say that. I
got a divorce from my sons father. It
was peaceful.
I learned more about myself.
I was ready to let go of the
crutch that I had been holding on to: a broken dysfunctional relationship.
It is said that we live vicariously through our
children. I don’t think I lived through
them as I sacrificed for them. I made
our home a sacred place where they could be safe and have a place to grow.
A place to grow into fine young men.
Their father didn’t agree with that value and he was and can
still be awful. (you never know about
someone when you first meet them and connect).
I got out of that so they could have some place sane to grow and I could
have a safe place to grow them.
I know that there are places that he emotionally hurt them
and I hope time heals that for both of them.
My oldest son lost his mother at 12. That has shaped a lot of who he is. I loved him the moment I set eyes on him when
he was five and have been with him through his journey and know that amazing
things are in store for him.
The boys had normal sibling stuff, and now are the best of
buddies. I always wished and prayed for
them to be buddies as well as brothers, to have each other’s back in life’s ups
and downs.
My older son actually really was a great support for my
younger son as we navigated life with a dysfunctional father figure. For that I am eternally grateful.
Which found my older son and I driving up the 101 to Palo
Alto for graduation.
We did it. As a
family we made it work for my younger son to go to college.
Against this backdrop of joy, my professional life was
filled with challenges, and not all good ones.
But ones that forced me to look at what I want, how I wanted to be
treated and most importantly – what is important to me.
I learn from what I do. I learn from my mistakes, I learned
that unless a strong enough challenge is presented to someone, he or she can’t
grow. Can’t define one’s point of view
or what he or she stands up for.
Now this all has me thinking about what is my legacy in the
world going to be?
How do I want people
to think of and remember me as?
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| Love is a Verb |
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