Reciprocity and Unconditional Love

clay, tissue paper, on wood
5/2012

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when

you give of yourself that you truly give.”  Kahil gibran

What does the word Reciprocity mean?

In my mind I envision an island culture where people are trading what they have for something they don’t have, like seashells for coconuts. I first heard this word in a cultural geography class, thus that vision of the word sticks with me: is of people trading stuff.

In a relationship what does reciprocity mean? How does it work? What happens if it doesn’t work?

To me reciprocity means if you ask me to scratch your back I’ll do it because I might want you to scratch my back the next day.  It means being willing to do caring things for one another, even when one is tired.  It’s like unconditional love. There are people we have an easy time unconditionally loving. We accept them the way they are: idiosyncrasies, temperament, character, past behavior, it doesn’t matter.  These are people that touch us in some deep way.

People we have some deep connection with that has no rhyme or reason.  It just is.  Lucky are those among us who have married that person or have them in their life already. 

In the past I have found it difficult to receive what I am giving.  In past relationships it seemed that mostly I was the giver, imbalanced with recieving.  The little things I asked for like having my back scratched (personal but true) were hard to receive.

So as I move forward in my life and reflect on what is important to me in a relationship, one is reciprocity in tangible caring gestures. 

Maybe I am off center or don’t understand the basics of human relationship, but knowing someone is going to be open to listening and doing  and caring is important. 

I tie reciprocity into unconditional love because if we love someone with no restraint, or conditions or boundaries, love someone just as they are, we are experiencing reciprocity: giving a great gift of life.  Many of us didn’t get that gift when we were young, we put all kinds of stipulations, controls and boundaries on what kind of love we will or can accept. Many of us aren't even aware that we do that.

Reciprocity ties into the concept of if one gives, one receives, I wholeheartedly work to apply that principal to my life.