Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. - Rumi

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Malibu and the Sea Goddess

I have loved Malibu since college..I spent a summer there on Spring Break.
Shopping in the Trancas Market.
I love the ocean.
I have loved Malibu and then I moved to Los Angeles, and then I used to drive up there every weekend.
Malibu is a sleepy little town. It's the place where I had my wedding lunch,  it is the place where I want my beach house.
I go up there and it just feels good to me.
I have been the center of Goddess Rituals there.  The water speaks to me.

I have danced the primal dance on the edge land and sea in Malibu.

I have watched the sunrise from a bedroom window....seen the spectral orange pink clouds make their way into the sky.  I have watched the light blaze into the darkness.

I am a water lady.  I am a water vixen.  I spent all of my life living near the ocean in Hawaii.
I  belong to it as it belongs to me...I am made of water and it accentuates my gift of empathy and intuition.
Malibu has a magic that maybe only is rivaled by the waters of Hawaii.
I look out at the ocean...I look out, I see myself rising on the crest....I see the dolphins traveling..I see the endless miles of salt water, filled with life, filled with longing, filled with energy.....if you know how to harness it, love it.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

The crisis wakes you up....

The crisis wakes you up....
Why does it always happen that in order for change to come about, in any form there has to be a crisis?
The crisis wakes you up.. The crisis says look at the road you are traveling...is it for your best and highest good?
I remember that my changes in life always came about after I realized that something was not right.
A long time ago, I smoked and one day I had a bad experience.  It was life's way of saying clean up your act.  And then the house I was living in got broken into and luckily my stuff wasn't touched.
I started to change after that.  I met someone who put me on my path, I started to learn about myself.
And then when they tried to evict me from my apartment and I was full of indignity and rage...and it wouldn't stop...then I started praying.  Then I connected to my higher self and thanked them for giving me this experience.  I was a messy housekeeper.

I think about the crisis's in my life....how I always want to survive it.  I learned through vedic astrology that when I need help...it shows up.  I have this thing in my house of improving myself.
And as long as I put it out there that I want to learn, and ride what ever it is out, I ride it.
I rode out menopause....with a trainer at the gym and hard exercise, chinese herbs and positive mantra.
I am motivated to always be my best.  I am motivated even when things are shitty to go for my highest and best good.
Not everybody has it like that.

Monday, March 27, 2017

I am not crazy.......

I am not crazy.
I have the developed sense of an empath.
I am not crazy.
I have a clarity that is a developed gift I was born with.
I can be overstretched, over stressed, take the low road when pushed out of my comfort zone, but I am completely in charge of my mental processes.
When we hurt, are in pain, are angry at the lessons life throws us or the poor choices those around us make- one can appear overloaded and respond in such a strong way...that other people might think that you are crazy.  
I don't usually go there.  I usually hold it together.
But sometimes.....when the situation calls for it I express my anger out loud.

I know what I know.  I feel what I feel and I have learned to trust myself.  People might make me feel like I don't know what I am talking about or see it from my point of view but truth has always won out.
Being empathic and aware is a strong and powerful gift.  It is also hard, because you read too much of what is going on around you.......you read too much into what is not seen with the eye.
I am learning to block stuff.  I am learning to filter through what comes my way.
And know that I am strong.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

No Judgement

We judge each other, whether we are aware or not.
It is really important that in our life time we become aware of what kinds of things trigger us and the responses we get.
I like to think of myself as non judgmental.  That I can be open and aware.  And realize that the other person is me...But sometimes, when we are overloaded, and mostly when we are overloaded with too many challenging life situations, we can take the low-road and be judgmental about others and their choices.
When those choices affect us, it is hard not to have some feelings.
It all comes down to having feelings...and they are of hurt, misunderstanding and lack of clarity it isn't a positive outcome, for anyone....
I can get as upset as the next person when I see something that someone has done that I can't understand or am not prepared to see or experience.
How do we help each other get on the other side of this?

I know an amazing person who really helped me realize that the other person is me, and to be gentle and ask questions...

Friday, March 24, 2017

I am writing

I am writing.
I am writing my heart out, because it helps me heal.
I am listening to words that are helping me remember who I am.

I am writing.
I am writing my heart out,  because it helps me process.
I am listening to words that are helping me remember that love is the order of the day.
That's all.
I want to say more.  I want to say this is all for you.  And you know who you are.
I want to say that I am so good..I am planting seeds of love, and joy and prosperity in my life.

I am writing.
I am writing my heart out, because it helps me remember that I am not crazy.
And there is nothing crazy about me.

I am writing.
I will keep writing. It helps me process all of life.

I realize we all have this date with our destiny.
So I am writing, I am willing to see, I am willing to learn...I am willing to realize that I am good, life is good and that I went through the fire.

I am planting the seeds of love, prosperity, joy, healing and happiness in my life.
I am writing....I am writing....I am writing.....
Some of my words I don't want to put out here....but you know who you are...you know how I feel, you know if you pay attention to your intuition what is real....

I am writing...
I am writing to heal myself....I am remembering that it is what it is....
what is is, 
what stays stays, 
what goes goes
And in the middle of all of my life's changes...I have done everything I am supposed to do...I continue healing, I continue putting love into the world, I continue being a beneficial presence on the planet.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Over and over and over again.....

I feel like I keep talking about the same things, the changes in my life, the last few months lessons.
I know that this is my therapy.  My therapy is writing it all out...and just saying what the fuck I want to say about what I want to say.
Sometimes that is all there is...I am not paying for a therapist...so I keep repeating my prayers, and mantras, I keep reminding myself that there is beauty and joy and happiness in the world.
I keep reminding myself that I am love, joy, beauty and life longing for itself.
I keep reminding myself that everything is for me and nothing is against me.
I keep reminding myself that I am better than okay.  I am magnificent.  I survived...and I can laugh and look it in the eye and say "YOU DIDN"T BREAK ME".

I can remind myself we are all human, having a human experience and that forgiveness is always attainable.  There is nothing that one can do or say, mostly, that can't be forgiven.  Even that is important to remember.  Words are sometimes really shitty. They can cut like a knife...but healing can always happen...forgiveness can alway heal.  

I can have gratitude and love and devotion and happiness in my heart.  It isn't gone.

It was crazy getting rid of 18 years worth of stuff.  It was raining. It was cold. I was cash strapped.
But I did it.  I got money to move on top of it all.  It was on my terms.  
Now...now...I have to get my ass back in the gym, back in the yoga studio and back to eating solid food....and having an appetite.

I dwell in new possibility.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Synchronicity - having my life burned to the ground


synchronicity |ˌsiNGkrəˈnisitē|
the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection: such synchronicity is quite staggering.

Life moves in a pattern, things happen, events occur and it often appears that there is no connection and yet perhaps there is.
My life got burned to the ground, to be dramatic about it.  My car was in and out of the shop for repairs, for two weeks, my mother diagnosed with cancer, moving from my home of 18 years, breakup of a great thing (i thought), conflict with my sons.....All within two weeks....it kept going....burned, everything a heart chakra event....painful.
Everything has changed. 
Today I was singing and this guy said what a nice voice I had.  I said I was singing because it helped me stay calm.  And we kept talking about life.
And I ended up sharing about all of the events of the last two months for me.
And he said it was God clearing the way for something better.  
And I just ponder that thought.  
We think of synchronicity as when things are going well.  But really it can be when things are challenging also.  
It is the universes way of testing our strength.  My doctor says he is surprised that I was able to get out of bed.
Well, I got out of bed because I was driven to keep going.  To get to the other side of all the craziness.  I was driven to achieve my goals, no matter all the shit that got thrown my way.
I still have some hurt and healing to do.  I am learning new things.  
So I keep myself available to everything that life wants to offer me now.
In hindsight, I realize people buckle when presented with all the shit that hit me at one time.  I knew that if I took a drink, I wouldn't stop, I knew that it was important for me to feel and be present for all of the events that were occurring.  I still have questions.  but I also don't care anymore.  I have grown past the what if's.

Friday, March 17, 2017

I am enough

I am enough

There are days when I forget.  When I forget how truly blessed I am.  That there is love, beauty, joy, light and happiness in my life.
There are days when I only think about what I don't have or want.
Usually I need to follow up with a plan for how I am going to achieve these things.

Brene Brown says we have to realize that we are enough.  Just as we are.  That if one slows down and breathes it all comes correct and in focus.
I spent far too much of my time thinking that I wasn't good enough for anything that I wanted.
Or not being clear about what I wanted.  And receiving wonky results from the universe.
Now I want to be clear with myself.  And work from a place of unconditional love for myself first.
I work the mantras, I am working the meditations, I am working the visualizations.

I am enough.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

I say NO~~~~

I said no.
I said No.  To what has been holding me down.

I am Saying no.
Say no ….say this no longer serves me in my journey as a healing woman on this planet
Say it,
Say it loud.  NO…
Say no to dumbing oneself down
Say no to acting like I don't know
Say no to not sharing the wisdom
Say no to not listening to my intuition
INSTEAD Say yes.
I say yes to everything and everyone who feeds my soul, who makes me laugh?
Who let's me cry and holds me through it
Say yes to love
Say no to the thiefs and vampires that want to steal my light or make me dim the glow that makes me happy,
To anyone who tries to take my joy

I say NO to what no longer serves me.
I say YES to healing my soul,
Shining my light,
And sharing my joy.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Reverence - *******for life, for life's longing for itself*******

What does it mean to hold life in reverence?
What do I think it means?
It is to see the beauty and joy and sweetness of life.
To hold sacred everyone and everything.
I see with my eyes beyond my eyes,
I feel with my soul beyond what is visible,
I touch with my joy, I touch and hold gently that which is 
in front of me.
I hear with my heart, I hear with the softness of my intuition,
I trust, I learn to trust
the timing of events in my life,
even if I don't like them.
I wake up with a joy and gratitude when my
eyes open.
I realize that I have the
opportunity everyday to be happy,
that it is a choice.
I hold the people around me in the highest most sacred
love and protection that I can.
I see grace everywhere.
I see it in the faces of people that I don't know.
I see it when people are shitty and do stuff that is really not 
nice to me and others.
I hold my life and the life of those I love 
to be revered, to be loved, to cared for unconditionally.

What is reverent is held in the highest regard.
It is the sweetness of life
Even in its painful moments
If we can have sweet little 
tender moments where we
feel the divine connection to reverence in life
it makes it easier to breathe
through the maelstrom.
Hold in reverence you life, and the
life of those you love.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Love and Kindness are immeasurable

Love and kindness are immeasurable
When we think of the gifts we have all been given in this lifetime and what the experiences are that shape our identity as a human being, there is one concept that one can always come back to.
Well actually two.  
Love and kindness.
It seems trite to constantly say this or think of these two thoughts,  but we are spiritual beings having a physical incarnation.
We are sweetness personified.  We all begin and end with love it we let it.

People can get warped by a sense of injustice, someone done them wrong, greediness, not enough, lack, limitation, fear, doubt, worry.  We can let these things take over the rational part of our brain and then we react from a place that does not serve anyone.
I know of a family where the father was so disrespectful to the mother of his children. Actually I can speak from that myself.  Two people can collide in life, create beautiful children and then fall apart through not remembering to love and treat each other with kindness as the day, week, month and year go by.
So back to…the immeasurable goodness that can come from a place of kindness.  Just simple I am going to treat you well, irrespective of how you have treated me.  I am going to be kind to who ever crosses my path.  Not that I am not going to be truthful.  Not that I will be a door mat for your emotional vampirism. There is a difference.  Being honest also has a very important place.  But be kind.  We forget not to judge, to just let it be. 
Love, is immeasurable.  As adults we have a difficult time giving it and receiving it.  Why?  
Why is it that we get stuck…is it all of the shit that we have dealt with and not had a spiritual practice to help us stay centered with?
I cannot quality my love for anyone…it is priceless as am I.

The time we spend sending love and kindness out into the world is valuable.  It is immeasurable.  It has no beginning, and no end.
Many people have this broken quality to themselves, this part that hasn't healed from the trauma of an emotional or physical nature.  We all carry things, sometimes too much, or too far.  If we can start with love, with kindness, for ourself first, first ourself, then others we can make a change.  A beneficial change on the planet.