Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. - Rumi

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

HAPPY 2015

At the end of the day, all that matters is:
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?

We can ponder and reflect on the past, but all that counts is what are we going to do right now?
What choices are we going to make?  To be kind?  To be critical? To help?  To heal?
Love is what matters, at the end of the day.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thank You


thank you.
thank you Sun and Moon 
for shining down on the planet.
I am grateful to be on of the 
people that walk upon 
this Earth.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Graceful Gratitude


 
The Sun never says to the Earth, ‘you owe me.’ Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the whole sky.
–Hafiz.




I am grateful.

I am grateful for the Sun and Moon and all the planets that lined up harmoniously at the moment I took my first breath on this planet.  I am grateful for the Fall, the season that was chosen for me to make my entry on this Earth.  The cool air, thanksgiving energy in the atmosphere.

I am grateful for the goddesses who sang my name in to existence and gave me the gifts of wisdom, healing, humor and knowledge.

I am grateful to this planet Earth, for the air I breathe, the Sun that shines down on my body, the wind that blows to and fro and the moon that is luminescent at night and the ocean that is always there, a deep, deep source of life on this planet.

I am grateful for my gifts, every day as I walk my walk on this planet I use them.

I am grateful for my body, it was the home for a human being (my son) to grow and flourish. 
I am grateful for my body when I am in yoga class and am in a back bend, fluid movement, clarity in myself.   
I am aware of my fragility as a human and aware of my strength.

I am grateful to be able to express myself visually, creatively,
artisitically. 

I am grateful to know I am a part of something bigger than me and everyday I wake up in thanksgiving.

I am grateful for the mysticism and spirituality that surrounded me as a young child growing up in another country.  The veil between the worlds was always thin for me and I saw more than I understood.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

No More Secrets








No more, no more secrets….

No more holding on to that which doesn’t serve ones growth and development.
I had this thought today in yoga.  I have so many areas of development, but the area I can work on right now is not holding on to outdated ideas of who I am or how I can be treated in the world.
I am going to start speaking up for myself and not hold on to words or actions flung my way thoughtlessly.

I have begun letting people know I am not a punching bag.

Holding on to secrets hurts us inside.  It hurts our soul and our heart.  We carry around these experiences never giving them a voice and they eat us up from the inside.
I resolve to have no more.  I resolve to speak my truth to who ever I need to speak it to.
I resolve not to carry the burden inside myself for another’s actions or even my own.
And to not do things that put myself in that position.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Emerging into the Light



Lakshmi watercolor on watercolor paper 



“Walking and Planting…..”


In one of the recent sermons Rev Michael from Agape, gave that I really listened to, he talked about planting and walking, that the farmer doesn’t plant and hover or take the plant with him to see if it is growing, he puts the seed in the soil and walks.

I am musing on these words and my interpretation is: we put our ideas out there and we keep moving forward.  We plant the seeds of what it is we seek to develop in our self and don’t stand there to wait and see if it grows. 

That is where the element of trust comes in.

I want to walk and plant the seeds of love.  That everyone I come in contact with knows and feels the unconditional love and acceptance necessary to evolve into one’s best self.

At this time of year I find myself in new beginnings.

I am over the moon elated to begin taking classes toward becoming a Licensed spiritual practitioner.  This has been a dream of mine for many years.  I put my foot in the water by taking a class called Transformational Tuesdays.
Would I be engaged?  Would the subject matter call forth helping me learn more about who I am and what I am on this planet to do?

It felt scary, I had to open up myself and share who I am in a group setting with people I don’t know.  I had to take a risk.

I would wake up Wednesday morning, bursting with love, and light and joy and happiness.  I felt so connected to myself and the world and right.  It just felt RIGHT.

And now, some weeks later, I know and feel that this is a correct path for me to take in my life.

I know that I am here on this planet for a reason.  I am ready to open myself up to what that is.  I know and am sure that I am here to serve.  I know that I have abilities that I am just beginning to tap.
I know that I am so excited, because it can only make me a better person.

Monday, September 29, 2014

A pensive observation





Would I do it all over again? 
A reflective look back

NO.  I wouldn’t do it all over again.
I would not chose to be the low-self-esteem, no confidence person that let life and people emotionally and sexually abuse me.
I would of used the word NO more often.
The only part of my life that I would do over is have my son and accept my step son into my life.
Hindsight shows me all the ways I didn’t value myself and my abilities.  I had no confidence and no one to pump me up.
Now, I can see what my poor choices took away from me.
I am now re visioning my life to be what I am capable of and without destructive people in it.
Having my sons was the best part of my life, it forced me to grow up.
No it forced me to look at all of the dysfunctional, negative, self – depreciating ways that I REFUSED to have be a part of my sons lives.

It is said we are the sum of our all of our experiences, that they shape us into who we are.  But some of those experiences I could of done without if I had had proper role models who cared, truly cared for me. 
It is why parenting is a sacrifice.  
 Why?
In order to support and nurture a growing human being we have to put our child before ourselves.  Not all the time, but enough.
I feel like I am still becoming who I was meant to be.
And at least is this part of the journey I can walk away from what will give me pain.
Pain is no longer necessary for me to realize I am alive.  I don’t need someone to treat me badly as a way to get attention.
NO ONE CAN TREAT ME BADLY ANYMORE.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Summer Inspiration






two beautiful things about So. Cal and having an iphone that takes panoramic pictures, just playing.
feels good to just play.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Who do you trust?


Who do you trust?

Who do you know will have your back if you get hurt, incapacitated or sick?
I just asked myself this question when thinking about some of the people that I know.  And I realized I can’t depend on them for anything: moral support, emotional support or even real friendship.

And that got me thinking about why I give or have given these people power over me to hurt me emotionally. And I realized it had to stop. STOP!!!

I reach out to people, thinking we can have a nice time together and it is not reciprocated. 
The most important relationship I must build is my relationship with God.  If I die tomorrow, will any of these things matter?  Will any of these people matter?  They won’t.  it will not be important or bring any bearing to my life. 
What will matter is how did I treat the people I come in contact with? 
Was I kind and loving to the best of my ability?

None of this means that it doesn’t hurt to feel rejected, it is important to realize that more important than my relationship with these people is my relationship with God.
 And with myself.
I deserve to have people in my life that want to be in relationship with me and not people who don’t.

It is important for me at this juncture of my life to recognize there are people out there that don’t like me and I don’t have to be liked by everyone.  I don’t like or connect with everyone and that is the way of life.  I don’t want to waste any more of my precious time on this earth worrying about who does and does not like me or think I am worthy to hang out with.  I am worthy of all I want and desire on this planet.


Make your soul visible

Watercolor on watercolor paper collaged
















Being who we really are is letting our light shine in the world.  Let your light shine, be your
authentic self.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Inspired by Maya Angelou









I am in love with these words spoken by Maya Angelou.  I think we could all live by them more graciously.  It would be a call to mindfulness on the highest level.
She was a great lady.  She was strong and she survived stuff that would stunt a weak person.
She is great inspiration for me, I have survived some horrible s**t too.

How did you let someone know you cared for them today? Who did you let know you loved them?
Who did you say a kind word to that may have lifted up their spirits?

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

LOVE is a Verb



watercolor on watercolor paper manipulated in Photoshop 8/2014   

This has been the most amazing time of my life:

This journey that I have been on has recently had the high of highs:
My youngest son graduated from college.
We made it to this part of the continuum.
I cannot begin to describe all of the emotions that I have felt.

I set out on a journey with a new baby and a five year old step-child, no idea where the journey is going to take us, what experiences I was going to have along the way and end up with 2 young adults; two beautiful young men in heart and body.

I started menopause the year the young one graduated from high school.  Talk about being on a roller coaster ride!! I could not of timed that transition like that. 

Going through the peri menopausal years?  I felt strong, whole, happy, powerful.  I worked out, I worked at work that I felt was meaningful and loved.  I loved my life and woke up everyday to say that.  I got a divorce from my sons father.  It was peaceful.

I learned more about myself. 
I was ready to let go of the crutch that I had been holding on to: a broken dysfunctional relationship.

It is said that we live vicariously through our children.  I don’t think I lived through them as I sacrificed for them.  I made our home a sacred place where they could be safe and have a place to grow.
A place to grow into fine young men.
Their father didn’t agree with that value and he was and can still be awful.  (you never know about someone when you first meet them and connect).  I got out of that so they could have some place sane to grow and I could have a safe place to grow them.
I know that there are places that he emotionally hurt them and I hope time heals that for both of them.

My oldest son lost his mother at 12.  That has shaped a lot of who he is.  I loved him the moment I set eyes on him when he was five and have been with him through his journey and know that amazing things are in store for him.

The boys had normal sibling stuff, and now are the best of buddies.  I always wished and prayed for them to be buddies as well as brothers, to have each other’s back in life’s ups and downs.

My older son actually really was a great support for my younger son as we navigated life with a dysfunctional father figure.  For that I am eternally grateful.

Which found my older son and I driving up the 101 to Palo Alto for graduation.
We did it.  As a family we made it work for my younger son to go to college.
Against this backdrop of joy, my professional life was filled with challenges, and not all good ones.  But ones that forced me to look at what I want, how I wanted to be treated and most importantly – what is important to me.
I learn from what I do. I learn from my mistakes, I learned that unless a strong enough challenge is presented to someone, he or she can’t grow.  Can’t define one’s point of view or what he or she stands up for. 
Now this all has me thinking about what is my legacy in the world going to be? 

 How do I want people to think of and remember me as?

Love is a Verb


Saturday, June 14, 2014

Graduation 2014


This weekend is one of celebration and joy.  The accomplishment of staying 
focused and disciplined on the journey. 




Saturday, June 7, 2014

The Best of LIfe



Watercolor on watercolor paper
lyric from my new favorite song written
by Rev. Michael and Ricky Beckwith



It is about that time, that time of year where little people, young people, older people begin making transitions.  Culminating, graduating, retiring - moving on to different experiences here on planet earth.
I have been crying, tears of joy, jubilation, hope, love, caring, sadness, happiness and the range of emotion at all of this is huge and really lovely to be in the moment.
The quote says it all, for everyone.
Peace and Blessings

Saturday, May 31, 2014

A Beautiful Day

Santa Monica Beach
at 9 am




Just a beautiful day, beautiful ocean, always a blessing to see everyday.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Happy Mother's Day

Watercolor on watercolor paper
3/2014
This day is a tribute to Mother's all over the world: 
Those beginning their journey, those in the middle of
their journey and those whose journey
is in a place where the 
children are grown.
It is a beautiful experience raising children,
not for the faint of heart but filled 
with so much reward.



Sunday, May 4, 2014

From compassion to surrender




A journey…….begins with a single step or word...

I started 2014 with the word compassion.  That was what I wanted to focus on in the world.  For my self, others, to be in a deep place of caring for others. 
But through all of the events of the year thus far, my word has changed and this is how it came about.

I recently saw Judith Orlof f speak at Agape and share about a book she had just finished writing about surrender.

And it gave me pause to think. 
What a good word!!
Surrender
Surrender
Surrender,
To live,
To love,
To being.

Surrender.
To pain, let it guide one to grow.
Surrender to letting go of that
Which does not serve.
Surrender negativity.

This word feels good on my tongue.
This word feels good in my heart.
This word feels good in my body.
This is my new word, the word I will focus on
When I am meditating.

SURRENDER.

When we surrender our self to life, we open to infinite possabilities.
When we surrender to life, we open up to what is.

Surrendering to who we are can bring us the greatest joy



Sunday, March 2, 2014

Poetic Inspiration for a rainy day



watercolor on watercolor paper
3/2014

Between stimulus and response
there is a space.
In that space is our power to
chose our response.
In our response lies our
growth and freedom.
 - Victor Frankl


I found this poem, somewhere…..I don't remember except that I liked it.
Or maybe it is a quote from a yoga website,  as adults we are very capable of using the above words for guidance in our everyday encounters.
I recently have begun understanding what it means to walk and speak truth.
I recently begun to understand that the other person is me and what it means to be compassionate.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

the human heart, the heartbeat, life



Heart yantra
watercolor on watercolor paper

It all begins with a heartbeat…..
Today in yoga the instructor began class with the knowledge that at five weeks gestation a heart beat is audible, not the brain, but the beat of the heart.
It reminded me of the first time I heard the thump, thump, thump of my son’s heartbeat at about 5 – 6 weeks.  It sounded like a miracle.
The heartbeat is a miracle, but it is the heart that feels and the brain that responds.
Our feeling comes before our ability to think.
It is the heart chakra that must remain open for us to thrive and live and prosper.
And many of our hearts take such a beating on the path of life, broken promises, miss spoke words, actions and re-actions, situations that it takes time to heal from. 
The heart itself is a strong muscle, as big as our fist. 
How do we keep our heart open when life throws curve balls, hard balls, tidal waves and storms our way??????
Then comes the question what do you love? Do you do what you love? If the answer is yes then get your mitt on and catch those balls, get on a surfboard and ride it out, put on the best rain gear you’ve got.
Our heart is the most precious part of us, it begins at 5 weeks of conception to beat for us…. What makes your heart beat?

What makes your heart stay open?
Life is a precious gift.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Love and OM




Watercolor on watercolor paper
12/2013







I love watercolor, I love playing with this media.  My new thing is to draw something, a little hard, and then watercolor it.
I love the sound OM.  it is everything.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

HAPPY NEW YEAR - 2014 BEGINNINGS



Spiral of Life
watercolor on watercolor paper
12/2013


I am putting out to the universe that I am ready to receive, simple clear messages, like about what I should do when I am challenged by life’s circumstances.

Taking risks.  I am going to take risks. 

I am once again doing a 30 yoga challenge. Yep, that means a class a day for thirty days.
I would do it anyway, because it helps me start my day. 
I am going to be kind, loving and gentle to everyone, even those who piss me off.

I have learned not to think I have it under control.  Just to say I am on top of it. Because when I think I have it under control, it just explodes in my face.

I am learning.  I am learning new things, new things about myself.

I am realizing the truth about who I am.  I am embracing who I am.