Who do you know will have your back if you get hurt,
incapacitated or sick?
I just asked myself this question when thinking about some
of the people that I know.And I
realized I can’t depend on them for anything: moral support, emotional support
or even real friendship.
And that got me thinking about why I give or have given
these people power over me to hurt me emotionally. And I realized it had to
I reach out to people, thinking we can have a nice time
together and it is not reciprocated.
The most important relationship I must build is my
relationship with God.If I die
tomorrow, will any of these things matter?Will any of these people matter?They won’t.it will not be
important or bring any bearing to my life.
What will matter is how did I treat the people I come in
Was I kind and loving to the best of my ability?
None of this means that it doesn’t hurt to feel rejected, it
is important to realize that more important than my relationship with these
people is my relationship with God.
And with myself.
I deserve to have people in my life that want to be in
relationship with me and not people who don’t.
It is important for me at this juncture of my life to
recognize there are people out there that don’t like me and I don’t have to be
liked by everyone.I don’t like or
connect with everyone and that is the way of life.I don’t want to waste any more of my precious
time on this earth worrying about who does and does not like me or think I am
worthy to hang out with.I am worthy of
all I want and desire on this planet.
watercolor on watercolor paper manipulated in Photoshop 8/2014
This has been the most amazing time of my life:
This journey that I have been on has recently had the high
My youngest son graduated from college.
We made it to this part of the continuum.
I cannot begin to describe all of the emotions that I have
I set out on a journey with a new baby and a five year old
step-child, no idea where the journey is going to take us, what experiences I
was going to have along the way and end up with 2 young adults; two beautiful
young men in heart and body.
I started menopause the year the young one graduated from
high school.Talk about being on a
roller coaster ride!! I could not of timed that transition like that.
Going through the peri menopausal years?I felt strong, whole, happy, powerful.I worked out, I worked at work that I felt
was meaningful and loved.I loved my
life and woke up everyday to say that.I
got a divorce from my sons father.It
I learned more about myself.
I was ready to let go of the
crutch that I had been holding on to: a broken dysfunctional relationship.
It is said that we live vicariously through our
children.I don’t think I lived through
them as I sacrificed for them.I made
our home a sacred place where they could be safe and have a place to grow.
A place to grow into fine young men.
Their father didn’t agree with that value and he was and can
still be awful.(you never know about
someone when you first meet them and connect).I got out of that so they could have some place sane to grow and I could
have a safe place to grow them.
I know that there are places that he emotionally hurt them
and I hope time heals that for both of them.
My oldest son lost his mother at 12.That has shaped a lot of who he is.I loved him the moment I set eyes on him when
he was five and have been with him through his journey and know that amazing
things are in store for him.
The boys had normal sibling stuff, and now are the best of
buddies.I always wished and prayed for
them to be buddies as well as brothers, to have each other’s back in life’s ups
My older son actually really was a great support for my
younger son as we navigated life with a dysfunctional father figure.For that I am eternally grateful.
Which found my older son and I driving up the 101 to Palo
Alto for graduation.
We did it.As a
family we made it work for my younger son to go to college.
Against this backdrop of joy, my professional life was
filled with challenges, and not all good ones.But ones that forced me to look at what I want, how I wanted to be
treated and most importantly – what is important to me.
I learn from what I do. I learn from my mistakes, I learned
that unless a strong enough challenge is presented to someone, he or she can’t
grow.Can’t define one’s point of view
or what he or she stands up for.
Now this all has me thinking about what is my legacy in the
world going to be?
How do I want people
to think of and remember me as?