What is love? What does love have to do with relationships? Why do we want it? Think we need it? What does it mean to need something?
What do I think love is?
Why do I want it? How does it play out in relationships between men and women? Or really any couple?
Tackling this topic requires me to really take a look at myself and the relationships I have had in the past. I don’t know whether to call them successful or unsuccessful.
I don’t know what to say. I have loved, but not been in love. I have lusted and been lusted after. I have thought I was going to stay married forever and been divorced.
I have cared about someone way too long after the relationship was over. I have acted poorly and taken the low road. I have given my best and tried to be open and communicative. I have had good sex, amazing sex; poor sex, and existed on no sex.
It is the communication with another that we crave. I crave connection. And am baffled when I think I am connecting with a man and then things go south. Or don’t work out.
What is that all about? I recently read an article about a woman, who seemed beautiful and great, that her husband left her. I met a woman at the spa and her husband left her…my point being that I am not the only woman that has a challenge with men. That it is universal for some of us and for others they have someone that they are with forever.
There were times in my life that I wasn’t so interested in having a life partner.
I was busy learning about me. I was busy growing up and undoing all of the damage that happened to me as a child. Healing. Learning to heal myself and learning who I was. And along that path, I learned what I liked and didn’t like and what resonated with me and what didn’t.
But back to love and relationships…. I now think love is overrated. Love is something we should begin by loving our self. I love myself. I treat myself like I am precious and valuable. I start with me. And then hope that I can find a life partner, man that can resonate with that vibration.
All of a sudden, a year ago, I knew that I was as ready as I would ever be to enter into the fray of trying to meet a man. And so I have tried the Internet dating thing and actually have some interesting stories to tell. I don’t find myself jaded or discouraged…but I continue to wonder about this love thing.
All the new age inspiration talks about how when “you are ready it happens”, “vibrate the cosmos and the cosmos will vibrate back”…”what you are seeking is seeking you”, and on and on and on….visualize what you want…..I have reasonated with each one of these statements and done my best to be open and available.
So love…is that what I am looking for, or what I already have? I have it already. I have it for myself. For everything and everyone in my life…maybe what I want is a sexual partner. The exploration and connection of me to a man in a cosmic dance of sensuality. That is love, that is lust, that is a dance as old as time. I am working through and grappling with these thoughts.