What I know for sure - my version

Quan Yin statue
Ojai Foundation
 Goddess of Mercy and Compassion
Protector of woman and children

At the end of every issue of O by Oprah, she writes an article entitled What I know for sure. For me it was always thought provoking and deep, well thought out and well written.  It would inspire me to make it through another day sometimes when I was down.   She has discoursed about relationships, self, food, working out, listening, etc.

Today when I was driving to my summer job, which I just love, I realized I have things that I know for sure.

That I love children, and working with them, even when it’s hard.  That I love my son’s, even when they make me crazy.

That I love my life, even when it’s hard and I want to cry like a little girl.  That I love my life when it’s good and when it’s not good.

More so than not I try to make good choices, even when the good choices are hard.

For instance, 4 months ago or so, I made a change in my eating habits. Now I consider it my life style. It was hard in the beginning, I felt wobbly, unsure when I was just going to buckle to my food desires. I really want a cupcake still. But I stick with it.

I know for sure that the more organized I am in my life, the more smoothly things flow, so I get up earlier and prepare my meals for the day. I always stayed a step ahead of what was happening. 

I know for sure that I am a go the distance girl.  I don’t give in, even when the going is tough, but know when to surrender to a uncompromising situation.

Somehow I survived years of financial struggling. I don’t know how I did it, how I kept gas in my car, and food on the table on a nursery school teachers salary. Let alone the roof over our heads.  I wore a lot of flip flops and men’s white t-shirts.

I know that when I am calm, even when the waters are stormy and I am sure I am going to sink it turns out okay.

One thing I do to calm myself is go to the gym. Moving my body helps me get out of my head. I have a gym membership I can afford and it’s less expensive than therapy or physical therapy.

I know for sure I am a good person. When I get the rewards back on my staples card, I always give the portion I didn’t use to the next person in line. Why not!

Even when I disliked my son’s father I never denied him access to his children. Why! Our problems were with each other, not our children.  I decided to let them get old enough to decide on their relationship with him.

I dislike him less now, time has a way of eroding that which is no longer needed in the human heart and soul.

I have come to the realization that one thing I know for sure is that life is full of ups and downs. 

People have let me down, people have really helped me out, people have talked about me, people have given me accolades. Sometimes I feel unfocused and unsure.  I am afraid. But what I know for sure is that I am always going to help someone out, love a child that I have in any class I teach, value them for who they are, value the people in my life for who they are and hopefully laugh, a lot. 

A lot, a lot, a lot. 

It’s what gets me through when nothing else does.