LOVE is a Verb

watercolor on watercolor paper manipulated in Photoshop 8/2014

 

 

 

This has been the most amazing time of my life:

This journey that I have been on has recently had the high of highs:

My youngest son graduated from college.

We made it to this part of the continuum.

I cannot begin to describe all of the emotions that I have felt.

I set out on a journey with a new baby and a five year old step-child, no idea where the journey is going to take us, what experiences I was going to have along the way and end up with 2 young adults; two beautiful young men in heart and body.

I started menopause the year the young one graduated from high school.  Talk about being on a roller coaster ride!! I could not of timed that transition like that. 

Going through the peri menopausal years?  I felt strong, whole, happy, powerful.  I worked out, I worked at work that I felt was meaningful and loved.  I loved my life and woke up everyday to say that.  I got a divorce from my sons father.  It was peaceful.

I learned more about myself. 

I was ready to let go of the crutch that I had been holding on to: a broken dysfunctional relationship.

It is said that we live vicariously through our children.  I don’t think I lived through them as I sacrificed for them.  I made our home a sacred place where they could be safe and have a place to grow.

A place to grow into fine young men.

Their father didn’t agree with that value and he was and can still be awful.  (you never know about someone when you first meet them and connect).  I got out of that so they could have some place sane to grow and I could have a safe place to grow them.

I know that there are places that he emotionally hurt them and I hope time heals that for both of them.

My oldest son lost his mother at 12.  That has shaped a lot of who he is.  I loved him the moment I set eyes on him when he was five and have been with him through his journey and know that amazing things are in store for him.

The boys had normal sibling stuff, and now are the best of buddies.  I always wished and prayed for them to be buddies as well as brothers, to have each other’s back in life’s ups and downs.

My older son actually really was a great support for my younger son as we navigated life with a dysfunctional father figure.  For that I am eternally grateful.

Which found my older son and I driving up the 101 to Palo Alto for graduation.

We did it.  As a family we made it work for my younger son to go to college.

Against this backdrop of joy, my professional life was filled with challenges, and not all good ones.  But ones that forced me to look at what I want, how I wanted to be treated and most importantly – what is important to me.

I learn from what I do. I learn from my mistakes, I learned that unless a strong enough challenge is presented to someone, he or she can’t grow.  Can’t define one’s point of view or what he or she stands up for. 

Now this all has me thinking about what is my legacy in the world going to be? 

 How do I want people to think of and remember me as?

Love is a Verb