More Joy More Love 2015

HAPPY 2015

At the end of the day, all that matters is:

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Is it necessary?

We can ponder and reflect on the past, but all that counts is what are we going to do right now?

What choices are we going to make?  To be kind?  To be critical? To help?  To heal?

Love is what matters, at the end of the day.

Thank You

thank you.

thank you Sun and Moon 

for shining down on the planet.

I am grateful to be on of the 

people that walk upon 

this Earth.

Graceful Gratitude

 

The Sun never says to the Earth, ‘you owe me.’ Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the whole sky.
–Hafiz.

I am grateful.

I am grateful for the Sun and Moon and all the planets that lined up harmoniously at the moment I took my first breath on this planet.  I am grateful for the Fall, the season that was chosen for me to make my entry on this Earth.  The cool air, thanksgiving energy in the atmosphere.

I am grateful for the goddesses who sang my name in to existence and gave me the gifts of wisdom, healing, humor and knowledge.

I am grateful to this planet Earth, for the air I breathe, the Sun that shines down on my body, the wind that blows to and fro and the moon that is luminescent at night and the ocean that is always there, a deep, deep source of life on this planet.

I am grateful for my gifts, every day as I walk my walk on this planet I use them.

I am grateful for my body, it was the home for a human being (my son) to grow and flourish. 

I am grateful for my body when I am in yoga class and am in a back bend, fluid movement, clarity in myself.   

I am aware of my fragility as a human and aware of my strength.

I am grateful to be able to express myself visually, creatively,

artisitically. 

I am grateful to know I am a part of something bigger than me and everyday I wake up in thanksgiving.

I am grateful for the mysticism and spirituality that surrounded me as a young child growing up in another country.  The veil between the worlds was always thin for me and I saw more than I understood.

No More Secrets

No more, no more secrets….

No more holding on to that which doesn’t serve ones growth and development.

I had this thought today in yoga.  I have so many areas of development, but the area I can work on right now is not holding on to outdated ideas of who I am or how I can be treated in the world.

I am going to start speaking up for myself and not hold on to words or actions flung my way thoughtlessly.

I have begun letting people know I am not a punching bag.

Holding on to secrets hurts us inside.  It hurts our soul and our heart.  We carry around these experiences never giving them a voice and they eat us up from the inside.

I resolve to have no more.  I resolve to speak my truth to who ever I need to speak it to.

I resolve not to carry the burden inside myself for another’s actions or even my own.

And to not do things that put myself in that position.

Emerging into the Light

Lakshmi watercolor on watercolor paper

 

“Walking and Planting…..”

In one of the recent sermons Rev Michael from Agape, gave that I really listened to, he talked about planting and walking, that the farmer doesn’t plant and hover or take the plant with him to see if it is growing, he puts the seed in the soil and walks.

I am musing on these words and my interpretation is: we put our ideas out there and we keep moving forward.  We plant the seeds of what it is we seek to develop in our self and don’t stand there to wait and see if it grows. 

That is where the element of trust comes in.

I want to walk and plant the seeds of love.  That everyone I come in contact with knows and feels the unconditional love and acceptance necessary to evolve into one’s best self.

At this time of year I find myself in new beginnings.

I am over the moon elated to begin taking classes toward becoming a Licensed spiritual practitioner.  This has been a dream of mine for many years.  I put my foot in the water by taking a class called Transformational Tuesdays.

Would I be engaged?  Would the subject matter call forth helping me learn more about who I am and what I am on this planet to do?

It felt scary, I had to open up myself and share who I am in a group setting with people I don’t know.  I had to take a risk.

I would wake up Wednesday morning, bursting with love, and light and joy and happiness.  I felt so connected to myself and the world and right.  It just felt RIGHT.

And now, some weeks later, I know and feel that this is a correct path for me to take in my life.

I know that I am here on this planet for a reason.  I am ready to open myself up to what that is.  I know and am sure that I am here to serve.  I know that I have abilities that I am just beginning to tap.

I know that I am so excited, because it can only make me a better person.

A pensive observation

Would I do it all over again? 

A reflective look back

NO.  I wouldn’t do it all over again.

I would not chose to be the low-self-esteem, no confidence person that let life and people emotionally and sexually abuse me.

I would of used the word NO more often.

The only part of my life that I would do over is have my son and accept my step son into my life.

Hindsight shows me all the ways I didn’t value myself and my abilities.  I had no confidence and no one to pump me up.

Now, I can see what my poor choices took away from me.

I am now re visioning my life to be what I am capable of and without destructive people in it.

Having my sons was the best part of my life, it forced me to grow up.

No it forced me to look at all of the dysfunctional, negative, self – depreciating ways that I REFUSED to have be a part of my sons lives.

It is said we are the sum of our all of our experiences, that they shape us into who we are.  But some of those experiences I could of done without if I had had proper role models who cared, truly cared for me. 

It is why parenting is a sacrifice.  

 Why?

In order to support and nurture a growing human being we have to put our child before ourselves.  Not all the time, but enough.

I feel like I am still becoming who I was meant to be.

And at least is this part of the journey I can walk away from what will give me pain.

Pain is no longer necessary for me to realize I am alive.  I don’t need someone to treat me badly as a way to get attention.

NO ONE CAN TREAT ME BADLY ANYMORE.