Becoming a Parent (oh the humility)

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.  ~Oprah Winfrey

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh


Sometimes I am very human and suck at the most important job I have to do on this planet – raising my sons.

One I birthed, one I gained though relationship. I care for and love both as much as life.

One of my earliest memories of humility on the path of parenthood was being at the Santa Monica pier with my then 5 and half year old step son.  It was time to leave, he was in the arcade, sensorily overloaded and happy.  His father gave him the five minute warning to go, which turned into the 20 minute warning – to no avail.  My step son was ensconced in the land of electronic buttons and games.

Finally his father picked him up and threw him over his shoulder, my step son screaming at the top of his lungs: “I don’t want to go home, your mean, I am not done playing”…..Me trailing behind feeling ineffective and embarrassed as hell. No one said anything, but I felt the stares and looks as we left the pier. The arcade is always a tough place for boys to leave, but this new parenting scene – rough.  Why can’t he or she just come along when we say it is time to leave and WHY would our children make it easy for us and co-operate?

Raising children is not textbook perfect.  Having just finished my certificate in Early Education a few years earlier, I thought I knew what to do, what to say.  But in reality I just got my butt whipped by this child (that defied being a text book perfect).  He screamed when he didn’t get his way, threw up after he had cried too much and I was appalled.

I decided that in practice Piaget didn’t know what he was talking about, did he have children in his home or did his methodology just apply to a classroom – which is neutral learning territory.

 On the home front, up close and personal is where the most intimate, raw, deep connections lay-- we don’t get to choose our parents, children, siblings. But my gosh we have to work out living, sharing and being with them.  Even unconditional love can be challenged.

Sometimes I think when we birth a child, we birth guilt. Did I make the right decision in handling a situation?

Was I too cranky in my response, did I snap a reply instead of thinking through an answer.  Am I too lenient, strict, sometimes it’s a lot to think about. It can go on and on.  Finally I got to a place of peace with myself. I practice mindful parenting. I practice repairing situations I think I have handled poorly, I try to be more lighthearted about things even if it’s serious. Thank goodness they outgrow tantrums and throwing up.  I stick to a routine and have rituals of nightly dinner and conversation – even if it’s take out. I try to say I love you as much as I can.  In the that is what it is about. 
Loving oneself, one’s child or children, the process, trusting love to guide the way ( with some common sense ofcourse).

Self - Portrait
watercolor, mixed media on watercolor paper
manipulated in photoshop
2009